popcorn ceiling = devil

I am pretty sure that popcorn ceiling will be the death of me! We have that ugly stuff throughout our whole house and we are in the process of taking it all down and putting up a nice fresh texture with some white paint.... Well first off, the stuff is a pain in the butt to get off the ceiling. I have used water to soak it and then a scraper to get it off, but it is very tiring and very hard to get off. Most of the time I wind up scraping off all the way to the paper underneath. Second it makes a complete mess. I try to put a tarp down before I do it, so that at least I can get most of it on the tarp vs the carpet, but it doesn't always work that way. Third, I have to patch those stupid spots that I went down to paper on with mud, which takes forever! Forth, Cleaning up the mess on the carpet it a pain in the butt as well, I think the last room we did I vacuumed a good dozen times before I was even slightly happy with the outcome. Finally, I feel like I got hit by a bus each time I take on ceilings. Having your arms above your head and using your muscles to scrape really hurts! Plus going up and down the ladder also hurts. So basically, whoever invented this stuff is the devil and popcorn ceiling is its offspring. That is all :)

Date Night!

Oh the lovely world of dating!
I love to say that Josh and I are going on a date. I think that in every marriage, the couples should continue to date eachother. There is nothing more exciting then getting ready and going out with the man you love, if anything if just fuels your passion for eachother.

We have a usually date night. We go out to dinner and a movie. Both of us are huge movie buffs, so nothing is better then watching a movie that you haven't seen on the big screen together!

Josh took tomorrow off of work, because that is my regular day off, and tonight, when I get off work we are headed up to a little town about an hour and a half away and staying the night. When we get there, we will check in to our awesome hotel and go out to dinner and a movie.

We live in a really tiny little town, not much to do and only a couple little mom and pop stores, which are not cheap. We try to get our shopping done outside of town, whenever we go out of town to do something else, we will just do the shopping for the month.

So after our wonderful time tonight (dating), tomorrow we will get the things that we need for the house.

Can't wait to get off work today!

First Love, Last Love

Josh and I started dating when I was 18. I was straight out of high school, thinking I would go off to college, and the last thing I wanted was a relationship. Well I found that usually the things that aren't expected are the best things!

It started off as just hanging out. It was summer and I just wanted to have a little fun before I went off to college. We grabbed some Taco Bell one  night after getting off of work at like 10pm. That was the start of our love <3 but I didn't want to lead him on, because I was leaving. Well we hung out a couple more times, went shopping, out to lunch and stuff like that. Then one day (August 20th to be exact lol) We decided to go see the Rocker in theaters. Well Josh held my hand that day. I knew it was over for me, I was head over heals for this guy!

Yes I have had boyfriends in the past, none that I said the L word to. I didn't believe in love in high school or younger, I didn't think it existed because you didn't understand love at this age. Well, at 18 I thought I was too young for the L word as well, but I had never felt this way about anyone. He wasn't my type, but oh man was I in love with him.

I never once thought that it was just a summer fling once we got together. A part of me knew that I would be with him the rest of my life.

Well here we are, over 5 years later, husband and wife, and still so much in love. That summer was the very memorable and will stay with me forever.

I am proud to say that Josh is my first love and will be my last love. Not everyone can say that about the person they are with. I am so thankful that I found him and can't wait for what life with bring to us next. We will have many beautiful summers together!

Lonely

Today was a very gloomy day for me. I don't know why, I just felt like I was all alone in this huge world.

With my parents going back to Idaho and not seeing my wonderful husband, I just felt like I moved in the middle of no where with no one I knew.

It is very odd for me not to see my husband. We are very close, he is my best friend. Yesterday, today and tomorrow I work four to midnight and he works eight to four. I am not awake when he gets up and gets going and he is not awake when I get home.

Because we just moved here a little over a year ago and we have been working a lot, we haven't really met a lot of friends. Yes we have work aquantinances but it just isn't the same.

Today I tried something, just because I was curious. I was missing him so much, but I decided to wait to text him, because I am always the one that texts or calls first. I decided to wait to see how long it would take him to get ahold of me, seeing just how much he missed me too.

Well thinking that he would call on his lunch break or something, it really disapointed me. I didn't get a text from him until eight tonight. I asked him why, and I know he is busy, but I guess I just thought that he would be missing me just as much as I miss him.

I know my husband loves me with all of his heart, but I also know that I am the one that starts most of our conversations (when he isn't home) and I know I am the one that plans all of our 'us' mini vacations.

Is it too much to ask to have him be the one that thinks of stuff like that. It makes me think that he isn't as involved in this relationship as me. Maybe it is me just being a dramatic girl right now, especially because I am feeling lonely, but really I don't think it is too much to ask.

Well there is my rant for the night.

Heartbroken

As I work these late nights at work, with nothing going on and no one around besides myself, I can't help but think about what my life might be like with children.

With there being a possibility that I will never have kids, a sad feeling rushes upon me. Every plan that I have ever created for myself includes a child. Will I have to recreate 23 years of planning because of this? I don't think I would ever accept the fact that I couldn't have kids if it came to that. I would continue to think of my life with children in it no matter the diagnosis.  There has got to be a miracle left in this world for me.

I am not a very religious person, yes I believe in God and yes I think that there is something after this short time on earth however other times I just don't understand. I believe in God, but if he is as great as well all think he is, then why is there so much suffering in this world? I don't think a mercyful God would let this go on. Every time something bad happens, I can't help but think "why would he let this happen to me?"

At one point in my life, I did loose faith for a while, something really terrible happened to me, that I will live with the rest of my life, and I just couldn't understand why he would let a terrible person live free and well on this earth and let that terrible person hurt another, one that gave her all to others. I was angry at God for this. It wasn't until I started dating my now husband, and I started to go back to church with him again. But I have never had that connection that I once had with Him. A part of me still doesn't understand why he would put me through that.

I am at that point again in my life now. Why would be bless these couples that don't even want children, who are and will be bad parents to the miracles they are bringing into this life? Why would he give them this amazing opportunity and gift but not us?

I think about children everyday. I plan for that day to come. I have room that I even call the babies room, it doesn't have anything in it, but I already painted it the colors that I want and everything. How is this fair?

I can't help but imagine what my beautiful children will look like. Will they have my eyes? Will they have his height? Will we have a boy or a girl? I want so bad for it to just be my reality vs my nightmare. Sometimes I dream that I am pregnant and I am the happiest that I have ever been, but then I wake up with empty arms and my heart breaking.

I Don't Want To Grow Up!

I know, I know, I haven't posten in a while. Well I have been one very super busy girl!

Today is day 6 of 8 in a row at work! I get off work today at 4 and then have to be back at midnight! Then after that, another midnight shift. Ugh! That just makes me want to puke! Not a pretty schedule at all.

I have actually been struggling with my job right now. There seems to be so much drama adding up everywhere. I found out that I was supposed to be getting like 20% more then I am getting right now! That is a lot more money! Plus I it seems like I never sleep anymore and I don't even know when to eat because my schedule has been everywhere. This month's schedule that just came out is a complete disaster. At one point in the month, there is a week that I work every shift possible, one day one shift, then a different, then a different, then a different. Plus they are giving me split days off (which makes it impossible to get anything done around the house).

Oh and to top it all off, my parents will be here from Idaho, when I get off of work today. I really miss my parents, and I wish that they lived closer to me! I am pretty excited too, my mom hasn't been here since like February and hasn't even had the chance to see my new house! Well she kind of saw it, when we were in the process of closing she got to see it, but it was packed with the other lady's stuff still. Plus I want to show off what we have done to it so far :)

What really upsets me is that I requested this time off while my parents were here so that I could spend as much time with them as possible because I don't get to see them very often, and with winter coming, I don't think that I will see them again until after all the holidays :( But of course I didn't get my time off that I requested, and instead I am working night shift on those days. So basically I am not going to sleep, because I don't want to sleep during the day when they are here. Ugh!

So I have just decided that being an adult is too hard and I think I would like to grow younger!

Oh Boy Have I Changed

Well here I am. These are the faces of Kami.

Well I think this was when I was about 19. Wow I look young!

 Above is the first picture that I ever sent my now wonderful husband when we first started dating 5 years ago!

 ....I was actually driving while I took this picture, I was proud of myself for doing my hair so wondefully lol. tisk tisk

 I look like a child in this picture! But I was actually about 20 and I was an assistant manager already at the movie theatre.

 I actually really like this picture of myself (which is rare). Another picture of my driving, but oh well.

 This picture was at my parents house when I was 18, I just finished getting ready for my now sister in laws wedding, which was a huge deal to go with my bf (husband).

 Wow....I swear I am not naked in the picture above haha

 Sundial bridge, hanging out with my bff on her summer back in town from college!

 This is after I just cut my hair short. This was right after out wedding. I was growing out my hair for the wedding, and right after I chopped it off!

This is pretty recent now. Already moved to our new house :)