Live Like You Are Dying

What if you knew today was your last day? What would you do? Who or what would you spend your final moments with?

I have always had death around me as I got older. My family always seemed to get together for a funeral instead of something happy. The first funeral that I remember going to was my Great Grandmas when I was 7. I know my Great Grandpa passed away before her, but I just don't remember it. My Grandma was one of those souls that you never forget and strive to be at least a little bit like. She was kind, generous and above all funny! She used to stick grapes up her nose and make funny faces at us just to get a smile out of us :)

I don't remember the actual funeral, but I remember afterwards. Having a meal with the whole family. Most of the kids were playing, not even knowing what was going on. The adults were talking and sobbing. I didn't know most of the children there so I stayed by my mom's side for most of the time. I remember being sad, but not really realizing what it all meant. I didn't understand that I would never see her again, I just thought that it was very weird having all of these people at my Grandma's house, most that I didn't know, without her being there.

It seemed like after that funeral, they just kept coming. My grandfather on my dad's side passed away, then the grandfather on my mom's side, then my little cousin, then another cousin, then my uncle, then my step grandfather, then my other step grandfather then my husband's grandfather. It just didn't stop. Each one made me realize more and more how precious life is, and how easily it gets taken away.

In the beginning, I didn't know how to act at a funeral, so I just tried to do what everyone else was doing. I said hello to everyone, then got in a line and went up and saw the body of my recently passed loved one, then went and sat down and waited for the service to start. As time continued I realized that for me, seeing that body didn't give me closure. If anything, it made it worse. The body sitting there wasn't my loved one, it was just empty. Seeing them with the fake makeup, and the smell that haunts my dreams made me disgusted. I made the decision for myself to not go up and look at the body, it wasn't them anymore and it made me sick to see their body like that.

So what would I do if I knew it was my last day? I would try to show my loved ones who I really was, I would want to do something that represented me, something that would stick in their minds so that when I died and they saw my lifeless body sitting there, that wouldn't be the first thing they thought of when they think of me. I would spend every waking moment with the ones that I loved. I wouldn't waste a single second of people who didn't truly love me for who I was.

But the truth is everyone dies, but few have the luxury of knowing when they will go. So spend every day like it is your last. What did you do today? Would you have been at peace with how you spent your last day if it were today? I know I wouldn't.